Loading ...Florida’s “Appendix”
Just as the state of Florida is said to be “America’s appendix” (as in the wormy little appendage attached to the bottom of the colon that is useless and catches random miscreant from passing you-know-what), the Florida chain of sand spits named the keys is much too appropriately referred to as “Florida’s appendix”, because it too catches intermittent incoming detritus.
Be aware that the Florida Keys smell like rancid, rotting fish most of the time. Not only do the contaminated waters flow into the keys from the adjacent draining putrefying and toxically-polluted swamps at the rate of 1.7 BILLION gallons per DAY, but they are also deluged with unnatural phenomena like the “red tide” which is miles of floating algae blooms that stink and are toxic enough to induce human respiratory irritation and allergies when winds blow the toxic aerosol emissions onshore. Add to this the fact that the gulf stream picks up all of the sewage and garbage dumped by the coastal megalopolis of cities on the Gulf of Illegals side of FloriDUH and slowly filters it through the already brackish waters of the Florida keys (exiting the Gulf of Immigrants via the “gulf stream” out of the so-called “Straits of Florida” and polluting the eastern coastline with it’s accumulated load of profusely putrid and toxic contaminants). And now, with the latest oil spill volcano, the gulf stream (which flows by Louisiana and the panhandle on the way down to the keys) will now also be filled with slightly less toxic, burned up crude oil sludge along with chemical dispersants residue and all of the billions of slightly charred sea creatures that the huge conflagration of burning oil has burnt to a blackened crisp. Be sure to look for that new menu item in the Florida keys restaurants called “blackened sea critters of some kind”.
The unconscionable marketing front for the Florida keys has the audacity to deceptively depict the dangerous, maddening four hour long vehicular trek down from Miami as a scenic drive — for about two minutes maybe before it becomes monotonous, and deadly dangerous. Realize that this “overseas highway” is a narrow two lane road traveled by sight-seeing gawkers, partying drunks, hyped-up drugees, stoned dopers, slow, over-medicated, sleep-deprived, hungover drivers, and local Floridiots in a hurry passing in no passing zones, even while towing boats. Speed limits in places are 15 mph for miles and miles because of deer and local drunks and dumbasses. Pop-up torrential downpours driven by blinding winds are common, obliterating visibility with nowhere to pull over (think elevated “7-mile” bridge). These factors make the resultant drive four hours of sheer white-knuckle terror, assuming you make it and do not get into the frequent head-on collisions, which of course results in traffic stoppages of hours at a time. The tourist traps along the way are cheesily tacky and to be avoided.
The water for the keys is pumped down from Miami in those pipes on the sides of the roadway, and is said to be “reclaimed water” from sewage treatment plants, so take your own bottled water if you have the courage to dare the drive down the “head-on collisionway” to the drink-til-you-barf-eat-til-you-poop island.
If you live through the drive down to Key West, know this. Key West is a misnomer for the original Spanglish name of Cayo Hueso, which means “Island of Bones” or “Bone Island”. Since Key west is 75% homosexual, it is now also referred to as “Boner Island”, among other things we will not note here.
They also refer to Key West as “Mile Zero” because of all the zeroes that live there — Key West is the capitol of runaways, the homeless, winos, drunks, stoners, and bums. It is also infested with an itinerant mix of tourists, sailors, weekenders from upstate, local party animals, expatriates from banana republics, Hemingway wannabees, remittance men, private investigators, mindless dweebettes, new age dimwits, thieves, hustlers, criminals on the run, smugglers, soldiers of fortune, mercenaries, pimps, prostitutes, gangsters, drug lords, and pompous politicians (a.k.a., whores) and obnoxiously arrogant rich people (the worst of the bunch) all resulting in a very unpleasant menagerie of undesirable, chronically pointless morons which is nothing short of the most repulsive freak show in the known universe. Tip: unless maybe you enjoy exposure to deviantly strange beings, do not go there around Halloween, as their “Fantasy Fest” is not something for the squeamish…
Trying to get around jammed-up Key West is an unpleasant experience. Tourist-filled “Conch Train” tours, rickshaws, and taxis creep around the narrow streets, shared with drunken tourists, runners, walkers, skaters, bicyclers, scooters, bikers, SUV’s, limos, and local vehicles all attempting to go fast through the wall to wall jaywalking throngs of the aforementioned floundering mass of “human animals”. On the water it is not quite as bad, but the boat traffic is heavy and the noisy morass of swarming jet ski idiots sometimes results in annoyed boaters applaudingly using them for target practice.
Add to all that the fact that Key West is now a major stopoff for gigantic cruise ships that belch out thousands of bloated drunken people contaminated with noroviruses and who knows what else, and you have a little island filled to over capacity with serious unpleasantries — just try find a bathroom where someone has not projectile-vomited or projectile-something-elsed out the other end. Ick! As at the start of this commentary, just as the Keys have that constant malodorous stink of dead rotting fish, Key West emanates a constant malodorous stink of a mix of wet cigarette butts soaked in stale alcohol and urine, along with the reek of putrefied vomit and rotting human excrement. Add to all that the contribution of the vile fermentation stink wafting in from their towering “Mount Trashmore” garbage graveyard on much too nearby Stock Island (when the wind is right as it too often is) along with the revolting toxic smell of rotting algae blooms (in season), and you have a numbing shock to the olfactory senses that can have a nauseatingly eye-watering effect, not to mention triggering allergies and asthma reactions…
A warning that Key West (and all of Florida’s tourism-controlled media puppets) is keeping quiet the fact that 27 cases of dengue fever were reported in the fall of 2009, and now (August 2010) less than a year later (of those residents which have actually been tested) five percent of the (around 26,000) residents have now tested positive as carriers of the virus (but it is likely much higher than reported). This from an invasion of the Asian Tiger mosquito which also can carry encephalitis. The point being that people retain the virus and the mosquitoes just transmit it from the affected person to new victims — so, with a base population of at least 5% (more likely 10% to 20%) infected the chances are high that a Key West mosquito bite can make you very sick. Realize that there is no cure or prevention for dengue, that a second (or third, or subsequent) infection is (increasingly) more likley to be fatal, and that around the planet over 12,000 people already die from this disease each year. The dengue death toll number is rising as the disease is spreading, said to be rising to epidemic stages in nearby Puerto Rico. For detailed information on this deadly danger, click on this link to our “SoFla Dangers” page. Hangovers, filth, and viruses are the least of your concern sin Margarita-ville…
Lastly, do not fall for Pennekamp Reef tourist trap off of Key Largo, as it has become part of an ecological experiment involving plutonium-warmed coral reefs from the nearby Turkey Island nuclear power plant, and the sewage-contaminated (from Miami) browned reef is pretty much depressingly dead or dying; not a pretty site… This is just one simple example of how incredibly stupid the people that run this state of FloriDUH are — they had the largest coral reef in North America, so they built a nuclear power plant a few miles away from it and use the ocean waters to cool down the nuclear reactors and dump the nuclear-fried water and other pollutants — along with 400 million gallons of Miami’s sewage per day — out into the reef. Certifiable dimwitted lunacy by incompetent dipwads, the same sunbaked idiots that decided to drain and poison the planet’s only “Everglades”, along with the same current day sunbaked morons that just passed legislation to once again put off the “restoration” of the Everglades another decade (until 2020) and allow the sugar, citrus, and livestock industries to keep on dumping their chemical contaminants, fertilizer runoff, and animal waste into the Florida waters which empty out into the Gulf, the Keys, and the Florida Straits. What the heck, it’s just a swamp, just waters and vegetation and wildlife and sea life, kinda like that rain forest they are burnin off down south a here, who needs all that danged stuff anyways…
This is just a high level overview, we will try to get back to this and flesh it out when we manage to procure a new PC…
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